It has been one month since I lost my mom, Lilian Madan Gamble.

I struggle to write this post for many reasons. Perhaps, it is because it doesn’t really feel like she is gone yet. Or perhaps, it is because I am not sure it is quite proper to share such a post on a Bucket List blog. But, after much consideration, I decided to share this to not only honor my mom but also to perhaps inspire others with her story.

Lili, my mother, lost a long a tough battle on March 13, 2020 and the past month has been a mixture of all kinds of feelings and struggles for me. I loved and still do love my mom as any son would! She was one of my biggest supporters of The Bucket List Project. She loved hearing all about Darcee and my adventures around the world. But, she especially loved it and rooted hardest, when we worked hard on our Helping Others Bucket List to help others fulfill their own bucket list dreams.

Because of her, I am the adventurer I am. She so loved seeing the world, trying new foods, and meeting new people herself.  It was one of her best traits that I personally am glad she instilled in me. She also loved seeing me personally grow and I only hope that I can become the man that she so longed me to be.

So with that said, I wanted to share the eulogy I gave my mom at her funeral mass with everyone. Hopefully, it can inspire everyone to learn to grow, love one another, and perhaps even find a bit of adventure in this short life we all have. I have never had to write a eulogy before, so please forgive me if it is a bit lacking. For a son to write a eulogy for his mom is a near impossible task that I don’t wish upon anyone. But if you will allow me, I wish to present it now to all of our family and friends.

A Son’s Eulogy For His Mom

On behalf of my Grandmother, Lilian Madan, my sister, Lilian Catherine “Lica”, my wife Darcee, and myself, Eric Rafael, I would like to first thank Fr Pineda, Fr O’Hare, and Fr. Whitestone (this was changed to Fr. Walsh & Fr. Rodriguez) and everyone who helped us prepare for this celebration of my mother, Lilian Madan Gamble. With all that is going on in the world, your thoughts, prayers, efforts, and love for my mother have meant the world to us.

I have never had to write a speech like this before, so please excuse me because I am not as elegant as some of my uncles nor as linguistically skilled as my wife or sister. So, in preparation for today, I essentially had to researched how to do this.

A Eulogy vs. An Elegy

In my research, I found that often people get confused during times like this between an Elegy and Eulogy. To be honest, I didn’t know the difference either. So, to clear things up, I channeled my inner Tio Rafael and dug deep into the origins of each word. Here is what I found:

An Elegy comes from the Greek root word Elegos which roughly translates to a Song of Mourning. While, a Eulogy is derived from two Greek root words, “EU” which means Good and “LOGOS” which means speech. Thus, when combined, Eulogy translates to a Speech of Good or a Song of Praise.

So, why does this matter today?

I bring this up because in the last year or so, people have approached me to discuss my mom’s state of life. Conversations about her were sometimes full of sorrow and remorse. Adjectives were used like, Tired, Weak, Frail, Sickly, and even Depressed. Now, of course, those people saying these adjectives not intending them to be hurtful. But, these kinds of words could easily lead our thoughts about her life toward regret or mourning.

And that isn’t how I wanted my mom remembered.

I wanted this speech…this service…this day to be a Eulogy to my mother! I want mine and every memory that each of us carry of her to be a true Song of Praise!

Lilian Madan Gamble, The Benevolent

Therefore, I am petitioning all of you to remember your Daughter, your Sister, your Tia, Your Mina, my mother with a different adjective. I petition her to be remembered as: Lilian the Benevolent.

Now for those who don’t have your dictionary handy, Benevolent is an adjective used to characterize someone who has the desire to help others by doing good in this world. Benevolent is synonymous with words like charitable, good, kind, gracious, helpful, and unselfish.

Now being her son, of course, I would praise my mother with an amazing word as benevolent. But to provide evidence to support my petition, I offer you the following examples:

• Lili gave Gifts with Intention

If you have ever been on vacation with us or to a Madan Family Christmas, you will recognize one of these bags! Poor Ali, Lica, and even Darcee have at one time been ”tortured” with the task of loading up bags like this for others on behalf of my mom. Often when receiving them, a person might see a random collection of bizarre trinkets and some were. But my mother didn’t see it like that. With these bags, she used whatever resources she had and tried to find items that matched something she thought you needed or could help you. For example, with her brother Ramon, she always insisted we overload your back with extra beef jerky and beef Slim Jims because in her mind she thought of you as strong! Thus, she wanted to make sure he had all that extra protein to keep you strong. And she tried her best to do that for everyone all the time. She always tried to give with intention even as silly as it seemed to us.

• Lili Gave us the Gift of her Faith

My mother, much like her own mother loved her faith. She often prayed for godchildren, her brothers and sisters, and anyone she could remember. To be honest, I probably gave her enough disasters in her life to fill her prayer intention card alone, but she always thought of who needed prayers and added them in as well. She worked hard to instill the faith in her children as well, and because of her efforts and prayers, I truly believe it helped both her and I find Darcee!

• Lili Gave her service as a Nurse to a countless number

In the first Epistle of Peter, chapter 4, verse 10 it reads, “As Each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s Grace”

My mother was given a skill for Nursing and thus used it to serve many people. For over 30 years, my mother was a registered nurse in New Orleans, Atlanta, and Virginia. She tended to the sick, the seriously injured, the elderly, the lost and forgotten, and even the dying. There was really no patient she wouldn’t help, and she would never say no to anyone in need of medical care. There are countless stories of her caring for the bedridden. She would often just take on the rolls of feeding them, cleaning them, or sometimes just tenderly holding them so they could feel connected again. This kind of gracious care can be seen in how she showed up and cared for her own father at the end of his life.

And Finally,

• Lili Gave the Gift of her time

My mother wasn’t the most mobile of people, so if you wanted to talk to her it was kind of easy to catch her. Now, I am sure there were times when she wished she could run away from us, especially if I or Franco decided to share one of our long-winded stories.

Now her absolute favorite thing to do, besides talking with her favorite child, Nico, was to just laugh with all of us! She had such a great laugh.

But to be honest, she loved hearing everyone’s stories! She loved sharing her time with each and everyone one of us. It brought her so much joy sitting with all of you to hear about your adventures, your travels, your dates, how your work was going, or what great things you were doing in the world! Perhaps, she did this because it allowed her to join you in your life. But I truly believe she did this so she could then offer you praise and support in your joys and dreams! It wasn’t uncommon after talking to one of you that she would call me to brag all about the new job you got, or the awesome party you threw, or even as simple as the recent accomplishments your beautiful children had just accomplished. It was how she praised and supported you!

Now I am sure there are a million more examples to support my petition to remember my mother as Lilian the Benevolent. And in the coming days, weeks, months, and years, I ask that you share your own Songs of Praise of her.

There are no words to describe how much I will miss my mother. I pray that she inspires me and all of us to be as gracious, charitable, helpful, unselfish and well Just benevolent as she was!

I wonder what she is putting in all of those bags she plans on giving away in Heaven?

Sadly, Life Goes On

Sadly, life never does stop after you lose a parent. It will never be the same for me and my sister. But, I know that we will always carry our mother deep within our hearts. Personally, I know she will forever join Darcee and me in all of our bucket list adventures. I am sure I will see her everywhere in life and hear her laugh whenever I do something absolutely crazy or goofy. During this time, I am so very lucky to have Darcee, my family, and all of our friends who have reached out to support us and offer their prayers and thoughts. She loved so greatly and hopefully, I was able to honor Lilian Madan Gamble with a simple eulogy from her son.

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